1. |
Don't Make Me Worry
03:32
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i said my life felt perfect
we both knew i was lying
you said "don't make me worry"
i swear to god i'm trying
and before i could move us along to anything else
it just all slipped out
i said "i needed to talk to someone"
you smiled and said "that's why we have friends"
i didn't mean to cause you harm
but you and i know that that's not what i meant
and normally i just would've said "yeah you're right"
but i couldn't do it tonight
and you looked so terrified
but all i felt was relief and a sense of pride
instead of trying to hide,
i finally said what had always plagued my mind
and though you started to cry
i think we both knew that i would be alright
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2. |
Banana Bread
02:47
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i heard a whistle come from my nightstand,
my phone atop a book i haven't read.
mom sent a photo of banana bread,
that she just baked with a text that said:
"what's old becomes new again"
a practice that's been long forgotten
you take something that has gone rotten
and watch it become new again
i feel a pain throbbing in my hand,
caught in a door and sliced it open.
but a scab's already coming in,
healing powers i don't understand
what's old becomes new again
a cut in the skin stitched up with thread
it's taking something that's gone rotten
and watching it become new again
meeting someone new and seeing sparks,
despite the fact you still have a broken heart.
letting go of grudges you swore you'd save,
the weight of your resentment slipping away.
you find yourself held back by a tired belie,f
but then you tear it down and you're finally free.
that thing you thought would kill you the year before,
don't even hurt to think about anymore.
what's old becomes new again
(what's old becomes new)
what's old becomes new again
(what's old becomes new)
what's old becomes new again
(what's old becomes new)
what's old becomes new
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3. |
Dating in Your 20s
03:50
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been a long day
at the end of a long week
i am dying just to lie down at home
stuck in traffic, with no signs of moving
i put on a playlist from two summers ago
that song comes on, drags me back to
roaming brooklyn and thinking of you
waiting for my train, choking back tears
that stupid song blasting in my ears
i look back now and all i can do is sit and laugh
cause up until then that was the worst pain that i had had
if only i wouldve known what would come after that
i wouldve told myself "baby dont feel so bad"
cause when love comes around
all it ever does is let me down
doesn’t stop me from chasing it anyhow
doesn’t make me want it any less now
another date another chance to smile and lie again
another person to put way too much of my hope in
another series of attempts to try and make it stick
only to find that we were always better off as friends
cause when love comes around
all it ever does is let me down
doesn’t stop me from chasing it anyhow
doesn’t make me want it less now
and when you think to yourself that you’ve gone insane
you realize each set of feelings you had were all the same
you just recycle and pair em with a different name
but it’s a two way street so really who is there to blame
when love comes around
all it ever does is let me down
doesn’t stop me from chasing it anyhow
doesn’t make me want it less now
i guess i just hope it’s different when somebody stays
i guess i just hope it’s different when somebody stays
i guess i just hope it’s different when somebody stays....
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4. |
Hey Dad
03:37
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at the diner, a table away
a father and daughter their phones
in their faces
though i try, i just can't look away,
cause lunch with my old man
can look the same
when i hit a certain age
and couldn't keep up with all the ways
my body changed,
avoiding stares from the boys in my grade
from then on, they all made me afraid
i wanted to tell you about it,
but it felt wrong
as i got older, started speaking my mind
about the world and our views,
which no longer aligned.
you used to be like me,
made money and switched sides,
but you hope that i'm different
i can see it in your eyes.
you've lost faith in the world,
i wanna prove you wrong.
trip to the mountains when i got my degree.
it wasn't the altitude that made it hard to breathe.
i'd never seen you look so scared of me.
begging me to snap out of it
as if it was that easy.
i know me being sick wasn't in the plan
and we're afraid of the things
that we don't understand.
you get upset not because you think
i'm lesser than,
it's 'cause when you felt the same
you had to tough it out and be a man.
but if you don't think i love you,
if you don't think i love you,
you couldn't be more wrong.
you're my favorite person
i need you to know,
when i look in the mirror
your face is what looks back,
i'll always be your daughter
you never have to doubt that
i love you, dad.
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5. |
Sanctuary
03:51
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pulling up to church
on christmas eve
felt like running into an old friend
i no longer know
we always had our differences
you hated most the things i did
but when you're young
you can let that go
i thought seeing you would be my loss,
but i know that i'm better off
'cause our versions of better aren't the same
still i get confused, every time i think of you
a sense of love and hate
that i could never name
chorus:
you say i've changed but i don't feel shame
you're the one to blame, you made me break
i tried to stay, but i went insane
couldn't stand the pain
it nearly killed me
you always said that if i left, i'd never feel joy again
but somehow i still do
and now that i'm free, i show the world the parts of me
i always had to hide from you
chorus
and when i'm down it's not because
i didn't pray hard enough
i refuse to believe that if i disagree
then i don't know god
chorus
but at the end of the day
somehow i still pray
for your merciless mistakes
lord they know not their ways
you may never change
but i finally feel safe
in the sanctuary
i've built in me
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6. |
Get You Out
05:11
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Where do you go when you're stuck in your head?
You'd think by now, you'd know your way around
but you just get lost instead.
You're mind's racing on roads that only lead to dead ends,
When you're your own worst enemy, do you fight or make amends?
It's hard to look inside yourself when all you see's disaster,
can't chase the demons down when you're the one they're after,
they say "let go, dig yourself out this hole"
but it just gets darker, the light gets farther
Hey babe i’m gonna get you out
Hold on i’ll throw the ladder down,
I know it feels like you’re drowning in doubt but
I swear I’m getting you out
There’s only so much a heart’ll withstand
When nothing seems to go as planned
I’m reaching out just grab my hand i’ll get you in the light again
Where do you go when the day started fine
Then a sadness seeps out as sudden as stepping on a landmine
And you’re sprawled in a million pieces across the floor of your room
Telling yourself it’ll be over soon but soon ain’t ever really soon
It’s hard to look around yourself when everything’s a trigger
Can’t see through the woods when all the trees just get bigger
You try to cut ‘em down but when they fall no one else is around
And it just gets darker, the light gets farther
Everyone could tell you yes
But all you’d hear in your head is no
You keep getting in your way
And soon you’ll never know where to go
Everyday you get caught in a storm
Even when the sky above is clear
And i know you hate what’s in it
But if you’d just look in the mirror
You’d see i’m right here
I’m right here
I’m right here
I’m right here
Hey Babe I’m gonna get you out,
We’ll be gone before the sun goes down
You never have to doubt that
I’m gonna get you out
There’s only so much a heart’ll withstand
When nothing seems to go as planned
I’m reaching out just grab my hand
I’m reaching out just grab my hand
I’m reaching out just grab my hand…
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7. |
Take Care
03:54
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put down the phone and go outside
take a deep breath and think of people
you have in your life
the mind is a dangerous place to hide
much too dark they couldn't find you
if they tried
so your boundaries turned into barriers?
so you mistook suppression for self control?
i promise you, you're feelings are real
but that doesn't make them all factual
i know it's easier said, but remember it's all in your head
chorus:
when everything around you falls apart
can't let go of whoever broke your heart
doesn't matter where the pain starts
just take care of yourself
take care of yourself, go easy on yourself
take care of yourself, go easy
quit being proud, go ahead and cry
makes it harder to let go of
when you try to deny that you're upset
you have every right
healing is hard it doesn't happen overnight
when your boundaries turn into barriers
when you mistake suppression for self control
when everything you thought you wanted
is somehow not enough anymore
i know it's easy to say, but i promise we'll be ok
chorus
when the hardest thing you do that day
is get out of your bed
when you finally think of something else
than the careless thing they said
when you haven't eaten in a week
and you're able to finish a meal
when you realize you're no longer afraid of how
you really feel
i know that these are just battles
we're nowhere close to winning this war
but if you can't see how far you've come
then what the hell was it all for?
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8. |
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9. |
Wedding Song
03:38
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At Jade’s wedding
When they called the couples to the
Center of the floor
speakers blasting
That ballad we’d all
Heard a thousand times before
Without question,
We grabbed each other to dance, us four
Another reminder
That I will love all of you forevermore…
At Annie’s wedding
While we got drunk
And hid from old classmates
Been months seen I’d seen you,
Confiding in our bad jobs and bad dates
We made a pact to
Run away, leave behind this red state…
Another reminder
no time apart could ever cause us to break…
At Mia’s wedding
As we raised our glasses
To the bride and groom
I basked in the glow of
All my favorite people all in one room
Your freckles grinning,
I couldn’t help but blurt out I love you
Another reminder
Friendship is the most romantic thing you can do
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10. |
First Dates
03:11
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First dates are such a waste of time
I always seem to
Find something that would bother me about him
In a month or two.
And even during decent ones
There’s still other things I’d rather do
Oh love what a stupid game I always seem to lose.
Can’t stand big parties, same conversation 50 times.
Asking me how I am as I regurgitate my tired lines.
“Busy but all is well” as I feign a convincing smile.
Small talk and social graces can go to hell and slowly die.
Well I apologize for being brash I’m just calling things like I see
The older I get the more I find life’s too short for mediocrity,
Life's too short for mediocrity.
Most days I can’t make much sense of what happens behind my eyes,
Though I pay someone to sit for an hour to hear me try.
I’m anxious about everything, I wish I could tell you why.
But, somehow I have friends like you who never leave my side.
When I admit that I’ve been struggling you smile and say “me too.”
I don’t know much about anything, but I know I matter to you.
Well I apologize for being brash I’m just calling things like I see
The older I get the more I find life’s too short for mediocrity,
Life's too short for mediocrity.
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11. |
Freddie Mercury
04:15
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spontaneous dancing in our living room
those intrepid weeknights in the middle of june
oh it's hard for me to dare assume
where or what i'd be without you
chorus:
we were dancing to freddie mercury
you grabbed my shoulders and looked at me
"don't you ever let me forget"
i'll remember it, until i'm dead
that night we ran up to the roof to see
a skyline accompanied by purple teeth
we might have killed the merlot but
i didn't mind it though
'cause i knew no matter what
you'd be carrying me home
chorus
letting off steam in the water our fingers pruned
but that didn't stop us from sharing our truth
chorus 2x
... i'll remember it when i feel dead
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12. |
In the Meantime
04:11
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All we ever do is sit around and complain
About how 23 is just a waste of an age
Too young to settle, too old to stray
And no one listens to a damn thing you say
In the meantime we’ll chase down every kind of high
To try and escape the fear that we can’t seem to leave behind
In the meantime we’ll hold on to everything we can
Like paying rent on time and not killing all the house plants
On sunday nights we get an extra round
To tame the thoughts that linger when the sun goes down
To build up courage to confront the unknowns we’ve found
An attempt to barter with time, as stupid as it sounds
In the meantime we’ll feign love with people we don’t like
Cause if you’re never alone you never have to face what’s on your mind
In the meantime we’ll fail again and again and again
Constantly consoled by our vices and our friends
Running ‘round amsterdam
Coffeeshop joint in my hand
I watch the smoke kiss the sky
And revel in the wonder of being alive
On that roof in williamsburg
Laughed so hard my vision blurred
And you told me i was a star
Smiled to myself riding home in the car
You’ll never know how much that means
You barely remember telling me
Just goes to show the best days
Are the ones you almost throwaway
So in the meantime…
In the meantime we’ll let go of trying to understand
In the meantime we’ll change like all our best laid plans
In the meantime we’ll have a little fun while we can
In the meantime we’ll live
All we ever do is sit around and complain
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lainey gonzales Austin, Texas
pop punk country superstar
laineygonzales.com
www.instagram.com/laineygonzales/
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